How I Almost Died

The title for this kind of suggests it's going to be lengthy, intricate story. It's really not. I'll try my best. Scout's honor. Actually- that's not worth much, I was kicked out of Boy Scouts. But that's a different blog for a different day.

So yesterday I'm driving up Hwy-45 to go work at Best Buy, and I'm trying to get there early enough to pick up and cash my paycheck before clocking in, which leaves me driving a bit more aggressively than I normally would. They're still running construction on the section of highway where 45 overlaps 94, so merging on is backed up and once traffic has sorted itself out it's still pretty dense. Nevertheless people are driving as if they are from Milwaukee and the average speed is still 5-10 over, it's just that the gap between cars is pretty much bumper-to-bumper.

At some point about a mile-and-a-half before the Hwy 145 exit that will take me to Brown Deer--and subsequently work--I'm forced to decide if I want to slow down and hang out behind a semi, or if I want to hop into the middle lane, drive like an asshole and cut the semi off. I decide instead of gaining maybe 10 seconds for being a dick I'll just wait it out. Then, about three cars in front of me in the middle lane, a pick-up truck has this flat, empty trailer attached to it that suddenly bounces up into the air, shakes loose, and spirals into the path of the semi. I noticed it immediately, but it still took me a moment to realize the severity of the situation. The thing looked like a giant piece of cardboard, and at 70-miles an hour it just kind of bounced around for a moment before being smashed off into the shoulder of the road, causing all the surrounding cars to swerve and slam on their breaks.

Had I been a little faster and ended up where the semi was- I would definitely have been crushed by the trailer. I'm driving a plastic box, that shits going to cave-in at the threat of impact. Had I been an asshole and tried to overtake the semi? I would've been right behind the pick-up and the outcome would've been the same. As it worked out? The semi took the hit, probably got a dent and some scratches from it, and I was at the front of the pack when the traffic came to a halt, which allowed me to drive on ahead, a little shocked at what I had just seen and what I was seeing in my rear-view mirror. As I took my exit I saw the pick-up truck pulled off to the side of the road, the two guys who had been driving climbing out of the vehicle and walking to the back to scratch their heads and wonder what was different. I got to hit next track on my cd player and suddenly come across the question "Did I... Did I just almost die?! Huh." immediately followed by "I don't really like this song. Next track."

Yesterday was Cinco De Mayo. For those of you who don't know alcoholic holidays or Spanish, that's the 5th of Mayo. This year it happened to be on May 5th. Next year? I don't fucking know, I'm not obsessed with holidays. Jay had people over and one of my old East Madison Best Buy co-workers was coming up for a party. I missed the people part of Jay's and my Madisonian friend missed the coming up part, so those were both kind of no-go's. I hit up Brothers on Water to begin with, but I hit it up while the "bar crawl" was happening so it was packed-the-shit-full of people. It took me 5-10 minutes to get a hand in on the bar with cash sticking out of my fingers as bait to draw over a bartender, and there was a girl squeezed up behind me trying to get in as well.

Me: (after bullshit full-bar comments) How about I tell them both of our drinks when I order mine so you don't get stuck here waiting like this any longer than you have to?
Bar Girl: Oh hey, yeah, thanks! (bartender comes over)
Me: I'm just going to get a Dos Equis, and...
Bar Girl: Yeah, same thing. Dos Equis.
--no I did not make a Dos Dos Equis joke--
(I pay)
Bar Girl: Um... (fumbles at her cash)
Me: ...ok, how about you get the tips and I got the drinks and you just won a little bit.
Bar Girl: Well, all I've got is this ten, I could see if my boyfriend-
Me: (without skipping a beat) A ten? Here's six bucks and we're golden.

Okay, so I'm a bit of an asshole. In my defense she glanced towards some douchebag across the room and with the place as packed as it was, once she got over there she wasn't making her way back. Counter to my defense I didn't think about that fact until about 45 seconds ago.

After they closed up the bars I took off and made my trip out to Qdoba for some delicious burrito action and did a triple-take as I bumped into our former upstairs-neighbor Pat from the Prospect apts. Pat was good shit, although I never really saw him awake a lot. After not getting drunk with the guy in over a year I had the "Hey, that guy looks familiar" from the car as I pulled in, the "Seriously, that guy looks a shitload like Pat" as I walked in the door, and then the "Ah hey, it's Pat! I didn't even see you there." as he spotted me and spoke up first.

Last thing I have to say about cinqo-de-mayo: I'm used to coming out of bars to walk right into drama unfolding on the steps or directly in front of the doorway, but coming out of The Corner last night was one of the first instances where I had to figure out how to step around that crying girl in the Giant Fucking Sombrero! For serious- it was a first.