That thing I was supposed to start like 4 years ago...

So I really need to go in and speak with admissions, or re-admissions, or (in this case) re-re-admissions at UWM. I'm a little worried the conversation will turn into a situation like this:

And I don't like these situations. I don't like giving people an open shot to claim superiority over me. Especially because I'm a better person than most people I know. So to give them the claim to be superior to me, well I'm just setting myself up to be worse than someone below me anyway. That's twice the Alex-ness.

That's why this time around I've decided to play it safe.

This is the guy I need to become.

Okay, here's what I need:

* A tuxedo
I have a tuxedo from high school but I need a suit that's money. It could be like made out of five dollar bills money, but I need a money suit.

* Shoes that are pointy as hell
Turns out the monopoly guy has pointy feet, so I'm assuming all upper-class and nobility do. This could get tricky. I wear size thirteen's and I'm assuming that they'll either look like massive triangles or just awkward as hell. If anyone knows a Social Elitist Shoe Store (S.E.S.S) let me know.

* Badass Cigars
I think I need to go to the Jeffers on this one. I need better than cubans, and more illegal too so when I break it out on campus I can show them that I mean serious shit.

* Diamond Cane and Leather Top Hat
You can't see it from the picture but trust me: the can is there. I may not have thrown out my back yet but the fuck if I'm going to waste my full effort on something so stupid as walking. And if I'm not walking, I'm not walking in style.

* Cell Shading
Mike and Maya: This one's all you. Make it happen.

* Monocle
This may be the most important piece of the puzzle yet. In fact I think I could show up in a ASU sweatshirt and track pants and still pull off money superiority if I'm sporting the right eyewear. Do you fuck with a guy wearing a monocle? No you don't.

This kid's got the right idea, except he's smoking like a pussy. If he wanted to play his cards right and be a 4th year sophomore then he needs to be smoking cloves or out of a pipe. Or maybe those long filtered cigarettes. But either way, he's a ways off from pirate cool.

I'm not playing around this time, as you can tell. If anyone has any other tips to guarantee my resurrection feel free to let me know.